Family + Disrespect = [THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE!]

Hopefully you had a happy holiday! I successfully avoided melting and a pleasant time with family...for the most part. Based on the amount of EDUCATION I've had to hand out lately, I'm expecting a teaching certification any day now...goodness.

Anyway, let me get my pressure down and just tell the story.

On the weekend before Christmas, one of my second cousins (let's call her Susan) asked my other second cousin (let's call her Sally) to ask me to house-sit for her for a few days after Christmas. Susan is currently in the process of renovating her mother's house, and she wanted someone to be at her home as "security" while she was away for the weekend (Friday-Sunday). As most of the family was headed up there for the holiday anyway, it wasn't really an inconvenience. I had no real plans post-Christmas, and while there were things to be done at home, nothing was overly urgent. So I agreed.

Now, a little background on her house: it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Well, not really, but it sure feels that way. It's about 2 hours from my dad's house, in the province to the north of us. The area isn't rural, but it might as well be. She lives in a small suburb, which is very quiet and secluded. It would be the perfect place to either raise small children, or retire, since nothing really happens there, and there isn't much to do. At all. The most exciting thing I did during my time there was visit the supermarket. Really.

Then you factor in the heat factor--a flat valley with little shade and direct sunlight for the majority of the day. Not cute. Of course, she doesn't have air conditioning, so you can't even bear to be in the house without every door and window open. And since this country apparently doesn't believe in window or door screens, this of course invites all of the insect kingdom to come inside. And I do mean all. And all over the place too--even inside my luggage. NOT CUTE AT ALL. NO. HEY GIRL NUH-UH.

And then she doesn't have cable. Which in the grand scheme of things, isn't exactly a life-or-death situation, but when you're sitting in someone's house all day with nothing else to do...well, you get it. (Thankfully there was a video rental store next to the supermarket.)

(In fact, the only really redeeming quality about this place was its multiple bathrooms with showers. My dad's house has a bathtub, which to me is a step backwards--I've been showering since age 9. I've had to re-teach myself how to take a bath. Speaking of which, if you want a laugh, just Google "how to take a bath." People are creative!)

Now, after the first day or so, I was thoroughly bored. I've spent the better part of the last four years staying home and doing nothing, and have gotten sick and tired of relaxing, so to be there, unstimulated, was no fun. Even more not-cuteness. I was there with two of my third cousins (I was not kidding about how HUGE this family is), and even with three of us we ran out of entertaining ideas pretty quickly.

Then comes the deal-breaker.

If you'll remember, Susan was only supposed to be gone until Sunday. Now, Susan doesn't have a car, and relies on rides from family/friends, or public transport. So I would have been totally understanding if she hadn't been able to come back until Monday.

I found out, however, that she, in fact was not planning to return until Wednesday.

How did I find this out?

From my third cousin.

Not Susan.

When did I find this out?

AFTER Susan had already left for the weekend.

TIME OUT. STOP. HOLD UP. WAIT.

Number one: the agreement was that she was to return on Sunday, with Monday as an unofficial grace day. You can't just go changing arrangements as you please, particularly when others are involved.

Number two: if it does become necessary to modify the arrangement, be responsible and TELL SOMEBODY. I should not have to hear about your change of plans from anyone else, be it relative, friend, colleague, newspaper reporter, prophet---I should hear it from your mouth first.

I am an adult, and so is Susan, and I expect an adult relationship with her. Which means that she, or any other adult in this situation, should be responsible, respectful, mature, courteous, and straight-forward enough to let inform me of changes to the program. I am not employed as her house-keeper; I am doing her a favor.

Now to be honest (and to keep the pressure down), again, it's not as if there were fires at home waiting to be put out, that I could not attend to due to my absence. There were no other plans I had made.

And it may seem to some of these people that I am still a child. As the youngest of my father's children I suppose it's easy to see me in that light. The last time a lot of these people saw me, I was in diapers. And currently, I don't have too much going on.

But the reality remains that I'm not 2, or 12---I'm 22. If you can trust me to be responsible with your HOME and all its contents, why can't you be mature enough to talk to me, and see if I am still available to manage with new arrangements? Especially since I was the oldest one who was going to be there, and therefore the one responsible for greater welfare of us all.
Even if you have my personal schedule memorized, it is simply rude not to discuss the situation with me.

I mean you just don't DO that! No matter who it is--stranger, customer, friend, colleague, family, St. Peter--you just do not do that Disrespect can't and won't be tolerated.

Well. As an adult, I know that this is not a situation worth getting angry over. My energy is not expendable like that.

The bottom line is that Susan and I will have a discussion about this, and move on. I believe when you're getting to know people, you set up the framework for the way they treat you. Build the foundation incorrectly, and the whole thing will eventually crack and crumble.

What about you: how do you handle being offended by family?

You'll Always Be A Part of Me

I'm feeling a bit homesick this weekend, so I thought I'd share some pics of people I miss!

Cousins, Chickens, Dignitaries, Apples, and Zucchinis

In the past few weeks, I've come to the conclusion that my family is very fertile.

I spent about 3 weeks in Swaziland (which explains the decline in communication--I was busy every day and didn't have a lot of computer time), where I was born, where my mother was laid to rest and where her family resides. These are the people I really remember from our various vacations here so long ago. I have five aunts and uncles, and a grand total of 26 cousins! I'll save you the trouble of trying to pronounce all of their names and just include a pic:




For most of my time in Swaziland, I stayed with one of my uncles and his family, which includes my aunt and three cousins. I remember this group most of all, because the kids are around my age--Vuma and I, for instance, are only 4 months apart in age. There are pictures of us as babies together, then a little bit older, sharing our toy car collections. It's funny, because even today we have a lot in common. Including making faces:




But we can be handsome too (here with my camera-shy aunt)




Then there are the two girls, Nozazi:





And Tebe, who was only a little tiny thing when I last saw her:



It's great to have cousins around my age, and we all have things in common, including music (they fight over my iPod), fashion, tv, even academic interests.

My uncle works at a bank, but also runs a farm, where he raises chicken and cattle. After "processing," the meat is sent to local distribution centers and supermarkets etc. When I was first told about it, I thought, "Oh, ok, a small chicken farm." To my surprise they have almost 17,000 chickens! The first day I went to the farm, the chickens were just wee little things:

(And that's just a fraction of them)



Did you know it only takes about 5 weeks for a chicken to mature? I went back a week and a half later and these things doubled in size:




Though I have no intention of being around for the slaugthering process, I must say it's interesting to see the chain of events and everything that's involved in getting the products to the stores.


Along with family, there were friends of the family that I visited with as well. One of my mom's closest friends, my "Auntie" Constance, is now the Deputy Prime Minister of Swaziland (something close to the US Speaker of the House). I surprised her one day after church by greeting her and introducing myself--she was so shocked to see me, it was precious. I then met with her at her office, which was a little bit intimidating because of her position; but then she invited us for dinner at her house, where she cooked everything, and it was there that she felt more like the Auntie Constance that I remember. This is the woman, who, along with her sister, is solely responsible for my love affair with BMWs. When we last visited Constance, her car was in the shop, so she was using her sister's BMW 3-series. I fell in love with that car over the course of that week. But of course, the day before we left, Constance got her car back and gave the BMW back to her sister...I wasn't sad about leaving them behind, but the car? I cried and cried and cried lol. Here's a pic of me and the Deputy Prime Minister (!):





My cousin Nozazi's university is in Jo'burg, so I rode back here with her and her parents. The past few days have included visiting more clients and continuing to get set up. Tuesday was nice for me, as one of our clients is a television advertising company, which I might be able to get an internship with. It was exciting to meet people in my field of interest, and even more fortunate that through my dad, I already have a strong contact with them.

Then we were looking for a place to have dinner, when we came across this shopping center, which, besides having a great little Italian restaurant, Zucchini, that will probably become one of my new favorites (Sette Luna comes to mind--Hey, Gabby!), had an Apple Computer store (another brand that I'm passionate about). That got me excited, as my love affair with Apple started in 2005 at Ithaca, and has grown stronger and more fervent ever since, even though I haven't yet been able to actually get a Mac. But at this store they had last year's model on sale at a great price. The great thing about Apple is that they make solid computers/electronics, and they also update their models every year or so, meaning that last year's model (which is still an excellent, fast product) comes wayyyyyyyy down in price. I took advantage of those price drops when I bought my iPod for 38% off the regular price. All in all, a very nice day for me indeed.

I was also able to talk to some friends for a few hours online with my webcam...after a few minutes we were laughing and joking like I'd never left.

This weekend I'm going to do some bed shopping, as the one I'm currently sleeping on hates me and likes to hurt my back; then mailing some college apps in between clients.

So, I'm staying busy, and hoping you are all well!








Listen: "Black and Gold" - Sam Sparro

Getting Ready...

So I'm starting to prepare for the Adventure of my life. I've started investigating the processes involved in getting a driver's license and other identification and a car once I'm there, setting up bank accounts, researching travel routes for various trips, looking at job opportunities, finding nice--SAFE--places to live, and, obviously, exploring my SHOPPING options haha. Hey, whatever makes me feel more at home, right?

The hardest part right now is telling people about my plans. So far, everyone has been very supportive and excited for me, but of course, it's hard to see me go. It's hard to say goodbye to the people who've been my family for so many years. But I can't help but be grateful for each and every person I've encountered these last ten years, because, even though there are a few I could have lived without, I've learned something from each of them. In their own way, they've made me a stronger person, a person who knows who he is, and who he never wants to be. Without some of these people I literally would not have survived. It's crazy to think about how much time has past and how many things we've been through. And even though it's hard to say "see you later," I've realized that, with good people in your corner, you can do anything, no matter where you are.


So the next month is all about real preparation: organizing my things and beginning to pack, shopping for things it'd be easier to purchase here, settling up things here, possibly buying a laptop, or at the very least, a webcam; making a mini-tour of Easton to all the familiar spots that make this place home, visitng George in NYC (could that be any more perfect?), and spending quality time with quality people. There's going to be a farewell party at church on Memorial Day Weekend, which I have to plan; along with a Yati night--dressing up, finding a divine restaurant to have a big dinner and drinks with all my friends, and of course, dancing. I'll throw in a couple more open-mic gig at Porter's, and will definitely try to see Post Junction at least twice. Maybe even pay a visit to the Rock...we'll see. So much to do!

To close out the post, some random "ruminations," as Jonathan would say:

• Wesley Snipes sentenced to three years in prison for tax evasion...wow!
• Apparently, to purchase songs on iTunes, your credit card has to have a billing address in one of 21 countries..one of which is not South Africa (yet, hopefully), so I'll definitely be looking for alternatives...tips, anyone? Hopefullyyyy myP2P options work there.
• How in the world am I going to get used to having summer in December, January and February??? A warm Christmas? So wrong...
• Not being paid in six weeks is not a fun experience; I wouldn't recommend it.
  
• Ear aches (or whatever is going on with my left ear) suck.
• Forget whatever blunders Jimmy Carter made in the Middle East---that Cheshire-cat-faced man is still alive?!
• HAPPY 21ST, GREG!!!!!!!
• And finally...

I want more cantaloupe.


Listen: "Chainsaw" (in all its various remixes) - Daniel Merriweather