I transferred to a different high school at the start of my senior year, but thankfully my outgoing and friendly personality helped me make friends quickly and easily. I joined the choir and auditioned for, and got a lead role in, the school musical. Through all of that I made a lot of good, strong friendships, and one of those was with this girl, Nikki. We got along great, everything's beautiful, woo-hoo, senior year!
Fast forward to last summer, when she was home for break, and I was there working. She apparently had to organize a theater production as part of her degree program, so based on our previous experience working together on stage, she wanted me to be involved. During this time I was working with a contractor, installing kitchen cabinets all over NJ, and most of the time I was home by 7 pm each night. Having this in mind, I told Nikki that I would love to be involved, but I wouldn't be able to make any rehearsals or meetings unless they were scheduled after 7 pm, or on weekends.
Here was my first problem: after having told her this, you'd think she'd keep that in mind, right?
Ha ha. She turned around and scheduled weekly rehearsals for Thursday afternoons at 2.
Um, what?! Obviously I was going to--and did--miss quite a few rehearsals. While this was annoying, I decided not to get upset; I could easily learn my lines on my own, and just work on the staging when we did get together. (I should have seen this situation as a sign...)
Now, being the person that I am, I was enthusiastic about this thing--it had been a while since I had been on stage, and it would give me a welcome distraction. I even got some of my friends involved, one of whom became one of the leads, and one of whom, Joe, one of my best friends, became the director of the show.
So then the end of the summer comes, and we all agreed to keep in contact and have a few rehearsals during the school year. Her campus was only an hour away from home, and I had friends heading that way quite often. Everything seemed great.
Now, for the next few months I never heard from her, even though I tried calling and emailing. We had said we'd have rehearsals, so what's up? Let's do it! Of course, life is busy at college and I can understand and identify with how hard it sometimes is to keep in touch with friends from home.
Then some interesting things happened. I heard from my friend Joe, stories about rehearsals going on, rehearsals I knew nothing about. I even saw pictures. It's not like I couldn't have made it: I could have easily hopped on a bus or caught a ride with someone. This of course made me puzzled...why wouldn't I be informed??
She did call me soon after, apologizing for not keeping in touch as she should have, seeing if I was mad at her for said lack of communication, and making sure I still wanted to be involved. No I wasn't mad, and yes I was excited to be a part of it. (I was going to play a black, female, housekeeper--sassiness, feather duster, cornbread, and all--who falls in love with her boss's huband and then gets murdered.)
Then Thanksgiving break rolled around. Nikki finally sent me a quick message saying we should meet up for rehearsal during the break. Sure, fine, no problem.
So I see my friend Joe on the first night of break, we're laughing having a great time etc. The subject of the play comes up, and since it seemed like Joe was hearing more about what was going on, I asked him if he had heard from Nikki regarding the play. He said communication had been spotty, but they had had one rehearsal, and that Nikki had begun looking for other people to fill my role "in case I couldn't do it."
HOLD UP. Looking for other people? Fill my role? What the hell? I JUST got off the phone with her not two weeks prior, telling her how psyched I was to be involved. So why the hell would she be looking for a replacement?!
Of course, he didn't know--after I told him about our phone call, he was as puzzled as I was. Now I was getting upset. Why had I been wasting my time, learning lines, and scouring thrift stores for possible costumes, if she was just going to replace me???
Of course, any attempts to try and reach her were again fruitless. I was beginning to lose patience and respect for her--sad because she was a good friend.
After not hearing anything from her (no contact to me or Joe), I decided to forget about the project, although in the back of my mind I was sourly anticipating that frantic last-minute "I need your help!" phone call from her, and being me, I was preparing myself to help even in THAT situation, should it arise.
But by February, after neither I nor Joe had heard anything, I decided enough was enough: I threw out my script without a second thought.
May rolled around, and by this time I was preparing to move: packing, getting things in order, spending as much time with friends as possible. My awesome friend Tim planned a party for me, and decided to invite her, I suppose as a gesture--he knew about all this, but also realized the magnitude of my moving away. So he sent her an invitation, to which she readily agreed to attend. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, my love," she said.
The party was at Tim's house, which is literally two streets away from Nikki's. You can just see her house from Tim's deck.
And what do you think happened?
The girl never showed up.
No apology, no explanation, no form of goodbye/I'll miss you/etc. She just didn't show up. No follow up phone call. Nothing.
This left me disappointed, and a bit hurt--weren't we once good friends? What happened? Surely it wasn't my fault?
So last night I sent her a message, saying "What ever happened to you??? We're doing a show together, and then I never hear from you again? And then I was hoping to see you before I moved thousands of miles away...what happened? Hope life is treating you well." I kinda wanted some closure, ya know?
So this is what she sent back (a small miracle in itself!): "Hey. I am seriously working nonstop. I have 6 jobs. Life is treating me the way life does. :)"
Um, what?
At this point, my patience and sympathy is really running thin. I'm sorry, but it really is. Six jobs--ouch. But honestly, is that REALLY all I get??? I had been this girl's friend since 04, someone she could --and often did--rely on, whehter as a shoulder to cry on or somebody to laugh with. I did whatever I could to help her when asked. I was happy to help her with the show, and even got others involved. I brought a lot of character (pardon the pun) and positive, creative ideas to the show. And then, I was getting ready to move 10,000 miles away. Wouldn't the simple act of wishing me well as I moved on, been the nice thing to do? Nobody asked her to stay for the entire party--an appearance would have been fine. If not that, at least a phone call or message offering some sort of explanation of her change in plans. In her message, there's no hint of wondering how I am--not that I need that, but it'd be nice!--and in my opinion it was really rather cold. It's basically saying, hi, I'm too busy to care about you anymore.
Ugh. After the way this whole thing has unfolded, I'm not really interested in being buddy-buddy with her again. I mean, it's kind of hard--and rather pointless--to build a bridge if there's nothing and no one waiting for you on the other side. It's unfortunate, but I'm not losing any sleep over it. I know that high school friendships, though they may have been great, tend to fizzle out if there are no new shared experiences. After a while your friendship just becomes based on memories--not enough to sustain. But the way this went...I feel like there are some negative undercurrents directed towards me.
I guess I just wanted some sort of confirmation that I didn't do anything wrong, or that there was nothing additional I could have/should have done. Am I crazy? Is there something about me that suddenly makes me repulsive? I don't get it.
What do you think? Would telling her any of this be a waste of time? Should I even be caring? Why the heck am I so sensitive about this stuff?!
If anything, this just serves as yet another example of how NOT to treat people...
Listen: "Waiting for Time" - Sam Sparro
