Family + Disrespect = [THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE!]

Hopefully you had a happy holiday! I successfully avoided melting and a pleasant time with family...for the most part. Based on the amount of EDUCATION I've had to hand out lately, I'm expecting a teaching certification any day now...goodness.

Anyway, let me get my pressure down and just tell the story.

On the weekend before Christmas, one of my second cousins (let's call her Susan) asked my other second cousin (let's call her Sally) to ask me to house-sit for her for a few days after Christmas. Susan is currently in the process of renovating her mother's house, and she wanted someone to be at her home as "security" while she was away for the weekend (Friday-Sunday). As most of the family was headed up there for the holiday anyway, it wasn't really an inconvenience. I had no real plans post-Christmas, and while there were things to be done at home, nothing was overly urgent. So I agreed.

Now, a little background on her house: it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Well, not really, but it sure feels that way. It's about 2 hours from my dad's house, in the province to the north of us. The area isn't rural, but it might as well be. She lives in a small suburb, which is very quiet and secluded. It would be the perfect place to either raise small children, or retire, since nothing really happens there, and there isn't much to do. At all. The most exciting thing I did during my time there was visit the supermarket. Really.

Then you factor in the heat factor--a flat valley with little shade and direct sunlight for the majority of the day. Not cute. Of course, she doesn't have air conditioning, so you can't even bear to be in the house without every door and window open. And since this country apparently doesn't believe in window or door screens, this of course invites all of the insect kingdom to come inside. And I do mean all. And all over the place too--even inside my luggage. NOT CUTE AT ALL. NO. HEY GIRL NUH-UH.

And then she doesn't have cable. Which in the grand scheme of things, isn't exactly a life-or-death situation, but when you're sitting in someone's house all day with nothing else to do...well, you get it. (Thankfully there was a video rental store next to the supermarket.)

(In fact, the only really redeeming quality about this place was its multiple bathrooms with showers. My dad's house has a bathtub, which to me is a step backwards--I've been showering since age 9. I've had to re-teach myself how to take a bath. Speaking of which, if you want a laugh, just Google "how to take a bath." People are creative!)

Now, after the first day or so, I was thoroughly bored. I've spent the better part of the last four years staying home and doing nothing, and have gotten sick and tired of relaxing, so to be there, unstimulated, was no fun. Even more not-cuteness. I was there with two of my third cousins (I was not kidding about how HUGE this family is), and even with three of us we ran out of entertaining ideas pretty quickly.

Then comes the deal-breaker.

If you'll remember, Susan was only supposed to be gone until Sunday. Now, Susan doesn't have a car, and relies on rides from family/friends, or public transport. So I would have been totally understanding if she hadn't been able to come back until Monday.

I found out, however, that she, in fact was not planning to return until Wednesday.

How did I find this out?

From my third cousin.

Not Susan.

When did I find this out?

AFTER Susan had already left for the weekend.

TIME OUT. STOP. HOLD UP. WAIT.

Number one: the agreement was that she was to return on Sunday, with Monday as an unofficial grace day. You can't just go changing arrangements as you please, particularly when others are involved.

Number two: if it does become necessary to modify the arrangement, be responsible and TELL SOMEBODY. I should not have to hear about your change of plans from anyone else, be it relative, friend, colleague, newspaper reporter, prophet---I should hear it from your mouth first.

I am an adult, and so is Susan, and I expect an adult relationship with her. Which means that she, or any other adult in this situation, should be responsible, respectful, mature, courteous, and straight-forward enough to let inform me of changes to the program. I am not employed as her house-keeper; I am doing her a favor.

Now to be honest (and to keep the pressure down), again, it's not as if there were fires at home waiting to be put out, that I could not attend to due to my absence. There were no other plans I had made.

And it may seem to some of these people that I am still a child. As the youngest of my father's children I suppose it's easy to see me in that light. The last time a lot of these people saw me, I was in diapers. And currently, I don't have too much going on.

But the reality remains that I'm not 2, or 12---I'm 22. If you can trust me to be responsible with your HOME and all its contents, why can't you be mature enough to talk to me, and see if I am still available to manage with new arrangements? Especially since I was the oldest one who was going to be there, and therefore the one responsible for greater welfare of us all.
Even if you have my personal schedule memorized, it is simply rude not to discuss the situation with me.

I mean you just don't DO that! No matter who it is--stranger, customer, friend, colleague, family, St. Peter--you just do not do that Disrespect can't and won't be tolerated.

Well. As an adult, I know that this is not a situation worth getting angry over. My energy is not expendable like that.

The bottom line is that Susan and I will have a discussion about this, and move on. I believe when you're getting to know people, you set up the framework for the way they treat you. Build the foundation incorrectly, and the whole thing will eventually crack and crumble.

What about you: how do you handle being offended by family?

Walking Away

I don't really like getting too personal too often, nor do I like getting overly specific concerning names in situations like this, but I need to get this off of my chest. This going to be a long one, so brace yourself.

***

I transferred to a different high school at the start of my senior year, but thankfully my outgoing and friendly personality helped me make friends quickly and easily. I joined the choir and auditioned for, and got a lead role in, the school musical. Through all of that I made a lot of good, strong friendships, and one of those was with this girl, Nikki. We got along great, everything's beautiful, woo-hoo, senior year!

Fast forward to last summer, when she was home for break, and I was there working. She apparently had to organize a theater production as part of her degree program, so based on our previous experience working together on stage, she wanted me to be involved. During this time I was working with a contractor, installing kitchen cabinets all over NJ, and most of the time I was home by 7 pm each night. Having this in mind, I told Nikki that I would love to be involved, but I wouldn't be able to make any rehearsals or meetings unless they were scheduled after 7 pm, or on weekends.

Here was my first problem: after having told her this, you'd think she'd keep that in mind, right?

Ha ha. She turned around and scheduled weekly rehearsals for Thursday afternoons at 2.

Um, what?! Obviously I was going to--and did--miss quite a few rehearsals. While this was annoying, I decided not to get upset; I could easily learn my lines on my own, and just work on the staging when we did get together. (I should have seen this situation as a sign...)

Now, being the person that I am, I was enthusiastic about this thing--it had been a while since I had been on stage, and it would give me a welcome distraction. I even got some of my friends involved, one of whom became one of the leads, and one of whom, Joe, one of my best friends, became the director of the show.

So then the end of the summer comes, and we all agreed to keep in contact and have a few rehearsals during the school year. Her campus was only an hour away from home, and I had friends heading that way quite often. Everything seemed great.

Now, for the next few months I never heard from her, even though I tried calling and emailing. We had said we'd have rehearsals, so what's up? Let's do it! Of course, life is busy at college and I can understand and identify with how hard it sometimes is to keep in touch with friends from home.

Then some interesting things happened. I heard from my friend Joe, stories about rehearsals going on, rehearsals I knew nothing about. I even saw pictures. It's not like I couldn't have made it: I could have easily hopped on a bus or caught a ride with someone. This of course made me puzzled...why wouldn't I be informed??

She did call me soon after, apologizing for not keeping in touch as she should have, seeing if I was mad at her for said lack of communication, and making sure I still wanted to be involved. No I wasn't mad, and yes I was excited to be a part of it. (I was going to play a black, female, housekeeper--sassiness, feather duster, cornbread, and all--who falls in love with her boss's huband and then gets murdered.)

Then Thanksgiving break rolled around. Nikki finally sent me a quick message saying we should meet up for rehearsal during the break. Sure, fine, no problem.

So I see my friend Joe on the first night of break, we're laughing having a great time etc. The subject of the play comes up, and since it seemed like Joe was hearing more about what was going on, I asked him if he had heard from Nikki regarding the play. He said communication had been spotty, but they had had one rehearsal, and that Nikki had begun looking for other people to fill my role "in case I couldn't do it."

HOLD UP. Looking for other people? Fill my role? What the hell? I JUST got off the phone with her not two weeks prior, telling her how psyched I was to be involved. So why the hell would she be looking for a replacement?!

Of course, he didn't know--after I told him about our phone call, he was as puzzled as I was. Now I was getting upset. Why had I been wasting my time, learning lines, and scouring thrift stores for possible costumes, if she was just going to replace me???

Of course, any attempts to try and reach her were again fruitless. I was beginning to lose patience and respect for her--sad because she was a good friend.

After not hearing anything from her (no contact to me or Joe), I decided to forget about the project, although in the back of my mind I was sourly anticipating that frantic last-minute "I need your help!" phone call from her, and being me, I was preparing myself to help even in THAT situation, should it arise.

But by February, after neither I nor Joe had heard anything, I decided enough was enough: I threw out my script without a second thought.

May rolled around, and by this time I was preparing to move: packing, getting things in order, spending as much time with friends as possible. My awesome friend Tim planned a party for me, and decided to invite her, I suppose as a gesture--he knew about all this, but also realized the magnitude of my moving away. So he sent her an invitation, to which she readily agreed to attend. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, my love," she said.

The party was at Tim's house, which is literally two streets away from Nikki's. You can just see her house from Tim's deck.

And what do you think happened?

The girl never showed up.

No apology, no explanation, no form of goodbye/I'll miss you/etc. She just didn't show up. No follow up phone call. Nothing.

This left me disappointed, and a bit hurt--weren't we once good friends? What happened? Surely it wasn't my fault?

So last night I sent her a message, saying "What ever happened to you??? We're doing a show together, and then I never hear from you again? And then I was hoping to see you before I moved thousands of miles away...what happened? Hope life is treating you well." I kinda wanted some closure, ya know?

So this is what she sent back (a small miracle in itself!): "Hey. I am seriously working nonstop. I have 6 jobs. Life is treating me the way life does. :)"

Um, what?

At this point, my patience and sympathy is really running thin. I'm sorry, but it really is. Six jobs--ouch. But honestly, is that REALLY all I get??? I had been this girl's friend since 04, someone she could --and often did--rely on, whehter as a shoulder to cry on or somebody to laugh with. I did whatever I could to help her when asked. I was happy to help her with the show, and even got others involved. I brought a lot of character (pardon the pun) and positive, creative ideas to the show. And then, I was getting ready to move 10,000 miles away. Wouldn't the simple act of wishing me well as I moved on, been the nice thing to do? Nobody asked her to stay for the entire party--an appearance would have been fine. If not that, at least a phone call or message offering some sort of explanation of her change in plans. In her message, there's no hint of wondering how I am--not that I need that, but it'd be nice!--and in my opinion it was really rather cold. It's basically saying, hi, I'm too busy to care about you anymore.

Ugh. After the way this whole thing has unfolded, I'm not really interested in being buddy-buddy with her again. I mean, it's kind of hard--and rather pointless--to build a bridge if there's nothing and no one waiting for you on the other side. It's unfortunate, but I'm not losing any sleep over it. I know that high school friendships, though they may have been great, tend to fizzle out if there are no new shared experiences. After a while your friendship just becomes based on memories--not enough to sustain. But the way this went...I feel like there are some negative undercurrents directed towards me.

I guess I just wanted some sort of confirmation that I didn't do anything wrong, or that there was nothing additional I could have/should have done. Am I crazy? Is there something about me that suddenly makes me repulsive? I don't get it.

What do you think? Would telling her any of this be a waste of time? Should I even be caring? Why the heck am I so sensitive about this stuff?!

If anything, this just serves as yet another example of how NOT to treat people...

Listen: "Waiting for Time" - Sam Sparro

Updates!

So after sorting out the whole mess with my address (they were sending things to Easton), I finally received my official acceptance to the University of Cape Town!

As you can see, this place is gorgeous. Now, I loved, and still love, Ithaca, both the college and the city. It's the perfect suburban college town, with lots of things to do, natural beauty, and great views of Cayuga Lake, especially from campus. But Ithaca pales in comparison to UCT. Located in one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, the main campus is situated on the base of a mountain, and is minutes away from lovely beaches. I've only seen pictures so far, but some of the views from the mountain tops, both of the city itself and the nearby Atlantic Ocean (take THAT, Cayuga Lake!), are absolutely magnificent. I'm definitely going to need to get my camera fixed before heading there.

I got my housing information too, and THANKFULLY I won't have to repeat the, for lack of a better word, interesting freshman dormitory experience. Actually, my experience wasn't too bad--the worst part was the floor bathroom, and the horrifying condition in which it would almost invariably end up during the weekend, when the cleaning staff was off-duty. That's something every college student should experience, I think, but only once, which is why I'm thrilled to have been placed in a campus apartment. I'll have three roommates at the most, but we each have our own, large-for-college, single bedrooms, with a shared bathroom and full kitchen. These residences are usually reserved for second-year students, or students over 21, like myself, which (hopefully) means that there's a better chance I'll have relatively more mature roommates. And I can cook, which means saving money on food, and not wasting food with a traditional meal plan. (With a meal plan, you pay even if you don't eat--say you skip lunch to study? You're still paying. Decide to eat off campus with some friends? You're still paying. Not to mention the un-eaten food that gets made by the foodservice staff, that probably gets discarded at the end of the day...) Being able to cook and having an apartment means I can also entertain...Hey, girl, hey!

So of course, now I'm in the OCD stages--planning, making shopping lists, researching airfare (it's a 14+ hour drive, NOT doing that again with a packed car; plus it's cheaper to fly), getting advice from current students/alumni via Facebook, etc. And of course, counting down 'til February 3....

***

In other news, it's still warm. I feel like it's been summer since June. Granted it was "cold" here in June and July, but it never got below 40 degrees F. Now, I wake up and it's already 68, usually getting to the mid-70s by afternoon. If the weather could stay like this all summer, it'd be great, but I know it's going to get hotter...yuck. The weird part about that is that, it's NOVEMBER. It should NOT be this warm. I love the cold months, so this is definitely something to get used to. (Feel free to email me scanned copies of maple leaves. Kthanks.) I've been checking the weather patterns in Cape Town (CT) as well, and it doesn't seem to get as warm there, which is nice. But I've heard notorious things about CT weather, most notably that it often changes two or three times during the day, and that you should always carry an umbrella and an extra piece of warm clothing to throw on, because at some point, you'll probably need it. If that's true, the unpredictability of that is sort of exciting to me...and I'd rather take those kinds of conditions over sweltering heat any day.

No to mention the fact that I'm missing cold-weather institutions like Thanksgiving and the usual things that come along with it--the Easton/P'burg game, the Bonfire at the high school, the candle lighting in the circle, seeing old friends, the food, and of course, Black Friday. In the stores, I've already seen Christmas decorations for sale... as I walked up and down the aisles in a t-shirt and shorts. My friend Alan asked for a picture of a menorah and a palm tree, and it certainly looks like I won't have any trouble finding that!

***

It's rather interesting to see all of the changes that the world is going through, and to realize my generation, and those that follow, will have be extraordinarily creative--and prayerful-- to find unconventional solutions for our problems. It's equal parts scary and exciting, but I'd rather be excited. Excited to work hard and to make an impact. There's certainly no shortage of issues to deal with...

And it's definitely interesting to see where all of my fellow high school graduates have ended up post-college...some teaching, some traveling, some entering the corporate world, and others that just make you say, wow! My friend Neil, for instance, was recently working in Wyoming with the Deer Habitat Initiative, doing field research in the desert and woods around Saratoga. Another friend moved to Australia. Of course that makes me feel better about moving across the world--at least I'm not the only one! This move made me realize how much I want to travel though. I'd love to live in a few more different countries before I'm 40, and the way things are going, I'm well on my way towards that goal! People keep telling me to write a book...

***

SIDEBAR: If you have children, or know someone who does, you might encourage them to take a closer look at their childcare. I have a friend here whose three-year-old daughter had soap put in her mouth by the director of her daycare simply because they "lost patience." In the mother's own words:

"When I arrived to fetch my daughter, one of her friends (3yrs) says "Morgan's crying , she had soap in her mouth 'cause she was talking". No teacher approached me. No teacher came to get my attention, or for that matter made any attempt to talk to me. So I asked the teacher about this, she confirmed it very firmly. Her words " We Lost Patience" ( these are daycare tachers of children from 2-5 years!) Apparantly after talking through sandwich time, not responding to being humiliated by standing in the middle of a circle of adults and teachers, consistant ignoring of teacher and possibly climbing a fence.....she was sent to the head mistress," who put soap in her mouth.

After reading my friend Tanyetta's story about how her child, along with the rest of his class, was left unattended outside during recess (Tanyetta was later told that she had "unrealistic expectations" after assuming that someone would always be doing their job--watching the children), and hearing this one, I encourage all of you to check on your childcare! We don't want things like this happening unneccessarily to any more children. Don't be afraid to take action!

***

I'll end this post by with a question. Last month my dad and I took a trip to the south-eastern part of the country to visit some old friends of his, a couple who he's known since before I was born. It was a very nice trip, but one thing left me slightly puzzled/uncomfortable.

While casually chatting with the Mrs. on our first night there, I mentioned that I cook.

The next day, and for the rest of the week, she levied the daily kitchen duties to me. I was to decide and plan a menu for each night, and cook it.

Now, I like cooking, and I think--and have been told--that I'm good at it. I cook here at home because my dad doesn't know how (he can, however, turn eggs into baseballs simply by boiling them for 3 HOURS).

But, well, for all intents and purposes, we were on vacation at this couple's home. We were visitors.

Now I understand the whole friends-who-are-family thing, and how I would be included in that, as I am their friend's son. And I certainly don't mind helping out in the kitchen. And to be fair, both Mr. and Mrs. worked during the day. I cooked, and everything was delicious, of course :-)

But, as a visitor, specifically a first-time visitor, should I be expected to be responsible for every meal, even down to the grocery shopping? Isn't the point of being a visitor, and a guest in someone's home, to take some time off??? I mean, sure, we're familiar, but that familiar? So soon? In my opinion, I should know you for at least a month before it's ok for me to know where you keep your sugar honey iced tea (thanks, Tanyetta!). Am I crazy?

***

...Ironically, I'm off to cook now.

Listen: "Radio" - Beyoncé

Note to Cameraman: Strike While You Have the Chance!

Honestly. I need to find the people who took this picture, specifically the person holding the video camera, and find out why he didn't hit when he had the chance. He was already standing that close to Robert Mugabe (center), so why would he hesistate?! I'm sure that camera is heavy enough to do some serious cranial damage!

Now before you start calling me a homicidal maniac, slow down. Unless you're an insect and have come into my home/vehicle/ general 10-mile-radius without an invitation, you will probably never see my violent side.

And I'm assuming by now that you know who Robert Mugabe is (President of Zimbabwe for the last 28 years); if you don't, now is a good time to come out from under that rock. Long story short, his behavior is tyrannical, and it's alleged that he uses fear, intimidation, threats and often, actual incidences of violence to fix voting to ensure he stays in power (even though he lost the March election, he's holding the presidency in a death-grip, literally). Under his "leadership," Zimbabwe's economy continues to spiral downward, and experiences hyperinflation (1 US Dollar = 505 Zimbabwean Dollars; even Monopoly money is worth more!); the people who can actually afford the food suffer from food shortages (shortages meaning no food, no where); and the nations infrastructure seems to be crumbling. Even while facing international ridicule, sanctions, and pressures, he refuses to resign, even after so long in office.

He and the main opposition party in Zimbabwe, the Movement for Democratic Change (the party that actually won the Election), signed a power-sharing agreement back in September, but of course, any positive results from that event have yet to materialize. Zimbabweans--those that survive, anyway--are leaving the country in droves, fleeing to the nearest borders, not to defect, or emigrate, or protest--simply to live.

This is why we need people like Jason Bourne to be real, and not fictional. There is WORK to be done! Come on, CIA! Or they could use Daniel Craig to knock him out, and then put it in the next Bond film.

But even THEY are taking too long. That's why I'm upset with those camera men. Those cameras aren't light. A good thwack or two.... They had the perfect opportunity and they blew it!


On a serious note, though, something needs to be done. I wish there was some way to convince Mr. Mugabe of how badly his country is really suffering, since he obviously can't recognize. I see TV reports everyday of how people there are starving, being forced to sustain themselves on contaminated water, as they become more and more to ill. It's a shame to see that he is more concerned with his status as president than the people he's actually presiding over. I don't understand how you can ride around in government-owned motorcades (consisting of only Benzes and BMWs) while your people die. I love my German cars, but when you are a leader of a country whose people face extinction due to your policies, I believe there are far better things on which to spend your money.


...If nothing changes within Zimbabwe's government soon, there will be nobody left in the country to govern.

The Color of Speech, or , "Heighth" is NOT a Word!

What makes us speak the way we do?

Over the course of my life I've been told on many different occasions that I "talk white," meaning that I don't speak in "ebonics." I've been told this both from people (mostly white) who meant to compliment me and people (mostly white) who were completely bewildered, almost to the point of being offended. On the surface, I can understand this kind of remark; it's a fast and easy way of saying that I articulate my words and lack the "accent" that seems to pervade "black" culture.

My problem is this: who decides what's white or black? Does being black automatically mean that I have to speak, dress, or act a certain way? Or listen to a particular style of music? NO.

Or does being white automatically guarantee mastery of the English language? NO.

Tonight I happened to be in the midst of people who believe that "slang", "ebonic", or "ghetto" speech denotes a lack of intelligence in the speaker. And that the reason that I did not speak in that manner is due to the fact that I am an "intelligent black man."

Whoa.

That reasoning implies (albeit indirectly) that any person, black or not, who speaks that way is unintelligent. Perhaps it was simply a poor choice of words on the person's part; I might have said "uneducated" or something along those lines, because even I can admit that sometimes excessive use of slang and an excess of mispronounced words makes the speaker sound uneducated.

But in order to be able to properly speak about anything, you have to first understand what it is you're talking about, and this person obviously didn't.

If I were to guess at the origin of "ebonics," I would say that it may have originated with African slaves in this country, who learned English from their white counterparts, mostly in southern states. From there it'd be easy to assume that through the years, as descendants of slaves settled in different areas of the country, and passed their speech patterns on to their children (as with any other language/speech pattern), patterns which eventually turned into today's "ebonics." For years, many--but certainly not all--of these families did not have access to the quality of education that may have taught them improved English skills. Add all that together, and it seems to me like a perfect recipe for the foundation of today's "ebonics."

And I suppose you could connect the difference in speech between two people to their respective levels of education. Personally, my mother's parents instilled in her the value of a good education, lessons which my mother passed on to both of her children. I was fortunate enough to have access to very good schools all of my life. For many others that is not the case.

Another influence on language is environment. English was my mother's second language, and the perfectionist in her drove her to learn it perfectly. Because of this, the "King's English" was exclusively spoken at my house, and our mistakes in grammar were always swiftly corrected. But there are others who have spoken a certain way all their lives. You can't discredit them for being who they've always been, can you? Or perhaps people speak and act in certain ways to fit in with those around them. Often different regions seem to almost have their own dialects of American English.

I'm sure my reasoning above may be flawed; it's really more of an off-the-cuff hypothesis. But whatever the reasons, there are a few things some of us need to realize:

1) speaking in slang or "hip-hop" terminology most certainly does not denote un-intelligence. There are plenty of educated African-Americans who speak in ways that might be described as "ghetto," and these are people who handle themselves with grace and sophistication. On a daily basis. A perfect example--Mo'Nique, especially on her show, Charm School.

2) People should not be defined by other people's cultural expectations of them. Being a young black man does not automatically mean that I wear baggy clothing, commit crimes, or speak a certain way, and no part of my personality is or ever will be predicated on somebody else's idea of what or who I should be. I'm not going to start behaving a certain way because that's what other black/white/whatever guys are doing. I'm going to define myself.

3) Please, look in the mirror before you point the finger. It's common knowledge that Americans--in every color we come in-- have butchered English over the years. It's very interesting to me, for example, that the people who seem to be the most outspoken in both forcing immigrants to learn English and criticizing minorites for the use of slang, are often the very same people who have the most trouble spelling common words, and in fact often misuse everyday English words on a regular basis. I don't know how many thousands of times I have a heard a white, "educated" person say "heighth" when the correct word is , in fact, HEIGHT. If I really wanted to, I could amass dozens of examples in which the English language is misused, no matter what the race of the speaker.


Haha, I'm not exactly sure how to end this one, but I'll say this: be yourself, not who someone else says you should be, but your own true self.





Listen: "Say It Right" - Nelly Furtado

Keep It Together!

One of the most beneficial personal traits one can possess is organization. Being organized allows one to have more focus concerning the activities of one's everyday life, both in the workplace and in the home. With proper organization, goals and tasks can be accomplished quickly and efficiently. Also, organization is something people recognize and appreciate in others; it depicts strong focus, a solid work ethic, and indicates a clear, straight-forward way of thinking.

Personally, I try to stay very organized, and it has served me well in group projects or other environments where people were depending on me. Does this mean that my room is always flawlessly clean? Or that I haven't occasionally lost things? Absolutely not. But by developing a method of organization, I rarely have either of those problems.

Perhaps it was my mother who influenced me in this way. Some would call her a neat freak (a trait of hers which, having seen the alternatives, I love), but she really only had two tricks when it came to keeping home and office: 1)Keep everything in its place, and 2) Clean as you go.

Proper cleaning (dusting, vacuuming, etc.) is something everybody should do on a regular basis, so for now I'm going to leave that one alone and focus on #1--keeping everything in its place. This means designating one particular spot for certain things, and sticking to it. I keep all of my extension cords, power adapters, and other cords/wires, for example, in one specific drawer in my room. This ensures that I will always know where to look for any of these items when the need for them arises, and that I won't spend half an hour looking for something. And by keeping the entire home like that, it's easy to keep things tidy--and especially easy to return things to a state of tidiness in a rush.

While those things refer to the more domestic areas of organization, the topic is one that extends into one's thought processes, activities, and endeavors. I'm not saying that people have to be neat freaks in order to accomplish the things they want to, but (speaking from experience) a bit of togetherness never hurt.

This especially applies to people in all areas of leadership. As a leader, being organized means being able to communicate clearly with all involved parties, knowing all of the important factors pertinent to the project, extensively planning ahead (for every contingency), and being able to recall or quickly access information when necessary. If the leader is organized, the whole group benefits--flourishes, even.

Which is why, I suppose, I get extremely irritated when people who don't possess these traits (as not everyone does, but I believe everyone can get there if they try) attempt to lead. I'm currently working on a project right now with a good friend who fits that description. It's unfortunate, really, because I really would like to be involved, and I believe I can bring a lot to this project. What kills me is the lack of communication throughout the entire project. Rarely do I receive communication directly from said leader; instead, I hear about group meetings (if and when they occur) and such simply by happenstance. I'm not asking for miracles, mind you, but let me know what's going on! Things about this project keep changing, nothing is really solidified, and I'm sourly awaiting that frantic last-minute phone call that always arrives in situations like this. It's odd, really, when, in this age of Facebook Group messages, MySpace nulletins, email list-serves, hell, even group text messages--communication from one person to a group of others should be a non-issue. All of this has led me to a lack of faith in the success and fruition of the project as a whole, and a lack of faith and trust in the leader--sad because we're friends.

Granted, this may be the first time this person has attempted anything like this, a situation with which I can certainly understand and identify. Personally, however, in that situation I would make even more organizational strides that normal, but to each his own, right?

My advice to people considering leadership--in any forum--is simple: If you want to take the reins, be sure you are able to handle them! And, please, please, please...

Keep it together!




Listen: Danity Kane - Hold Me Down