They Are Not Your Expectations.

In the past few months of being back in school, I've met a lot of people who weren't happy with their course of study. In most cases, this was mostly due to the fact that their parents had chosen degree and career paths for them, rather than letting them decide. One friend wanted to pursue a career in the media, but has been studying medicine for the past four years because her parents won’t fund her studies otherwise. Another was forced into coming to university to study biology instead of following her true passion of fashion design.

On one hand, this is a somewhat understandable phenomenon. Not very long ago in this country, black people were not granted the same access to education that others were. Therefore it would make sense that parents of the current generation of university students want some sort of tangible return on their investment. They want their children to succeed in ways that they could not. They want them to obtain degrees with some sort of “clout,” degrees that guarantee a certain income and lifestyle. They argue (and I agree) that a university education is a privilege, not a right. They know what the job market is like, particularly in a country where the “knowledge economy” (characterized by the shift from industrial and agricultural production, to more “weightless” industries that focus on information: media, communication, creative arts, social sciences, etc.) is still relatively new.

While these are all extremely valid arguments for choosing one career/life path over another, it’s nevertheless saddening to see my peers’ own desires and dreams take a backseat to their parents’ expectations of them. In the case of one friend in this particular situation, I can see how the relationship between her and her parents has degraded almost irreversibly. I wonder if her parents will ever get to know the real girl underneath all of those expectations. I can remember very clearly how horrible it was to be held back by limitations imposed on me by others. The “real me” almost died under all of that pressure.

I’m sure that there are many other factors which, since I’m not a parent (and don’t plan to be), I don’t understand. But my advice to parents would be to let their children be themselves. Teach them to be good decision-makers, and help them to foresee and understand the long-term consequences of their actions. Encourage them to work hard and strive for success in whatever they do. They may, and probably will, disappoint you at some point, but understand that they need to be in control of their own lives, and that they need to live out their own dreams.

Be careful, because if you lose them now (and I’m seeing this happen for that friend right now), you might never get them back.

Right Your Wrongs

I'm pretty certain that everybody has a story or experience in which they offended someone, but for whatever reason has yet to apologize for their actions. Perhaps you didn't realize the effect you had until it was too late. Perhaps you think too much time has passed for your apology to sound sincere. Maybe you're struggling with that guilt everyday but have no idea, or are too ashamed, to make things right. Perhaps you feel that the gap between you and the people you've hurt is too great to mend.

My advice is simple: just do it. Even if it's been years and years, just do it. Often we don't realize just how far reaching our actions can be--they have to power to influence people for years and years. Even if you can't be there in person to express your contrition, make a phone call, write a letter, hire a skywriter--do something. Perhaps that simple action will make all the difference. And even if it doesn't, maybe you'll even sleep a little better at night knowing that you've done your best. Part of growing, I believe, is not only learning how your mistakes affect you, but realizing their effects on others, and humbling yourself enough to admit your imperfections. Imagine how much more fulfilling our relationships with each other would be if everyone was willing to admit their faults. Or how much more we would respect each other if we were willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. So, do it! You have the power!

I guarantee you that you'll be a much happier person if you do. By showing others enough respect to admit what you've done wrong, you'll be better able to respect yourself.

A Day in the Life, Pt. 3

Shopping

Yes, this is important, so wipe that look off your face.

Shopping is very interesting here. It starts from the most basic of levels, some of which I'd never even seen before, to levels which I honestly thought I wouldn't see until I became a multi-billionaire. Here you will find everything.

One thing to get used to is the "hawkers," people selling their wares on the side of the road. Come to almost any intersection, and you'll find a man/group of men trying to sell various items. If my camera hadn't decided to retire (grrr), I'd have pictures for you, but instead I'll just list some of the things I've seen for sale, roadside: coat hangers, sunglasses, water bottles, tires, wicker furniture, baskets, candy, fruit, cell phone chargers, garbage bags, toys...just to name a few. This is also where a lot of advertising takes place, as companies or small businesses will often place people at various intersections to pass out fliers or coupons. I can't imagine having to be out there, standing amidst crazy traffic, trying to sell things to motorists who for the most part, ignore you, but I'm told that for these people, it's either stand there and sell, or, well, starve. Some of them can't get jobs for whatever reason and are forced to find some way to provide for themselves and their families. I must say I comment their courage, because the way people drive around here...

That being said, there are, of course, more "traditional" methods of purchasing items. There are many shopping centers/complexes, just like any other country, I suppose. If you've seen one supermarket/hardware store/whatever, you've basically seen them all.

There are of course the mainstream department/specialty stores that you'd find in any mall (occasionally I'm surprised to see what I thought was exclusively a US store, i.e., the Body Shop). I do, however, miss some of my favorites: H&M, and Express Men. I liked these stores because they always had something that catered to my needs/wants/size. Clothing there was classy, refined, and elegant, while still being fresh and youthful, and best of all, AFFORDABLE. Their T-shirts don't double as wearable billboards, and thankfully aren't full of crass sexual innuendos. I've found similar stores here, though, so on that front I can rest easy and won't become a fashion disaster anytime soon. You don't really see traditional African articles of clothing in those types of stores though; for those you would probably need to find some sort of open-air market, or find somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody, etc.

One thing that puzzles me is that I've seen quite a few people wearing Abercrombie & Fitch/American Eagle clothes, which is somewhat confusing considering I haven't seen one of those stores here, although it's possible they're imported. A lot of that happens here, which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in the sense that, if you can't find what you want here, you can have it imported, but a curse in the sense that it's probably going to be more expensive than it would be if you were to purchase the item in its country of origin. I suppose that has something to do with avoiding the fluctuations in currency, as well as covering import/export/customs fees and taxes, but still, annoying. (Anybody want to buy me a MacBook Pro? Kthanks.)

And then there are the stores that come as a sort of surprise. Technically, they shouldn't be, since many companies are international, and obviously for these companies to stay in business here, people would have to be purchasing their various products, but it still is a surprise sometimes. I went to a mall in Hyde Park (north of Johannesburg) a few weeks ago, for instance, and saw an Audemar-Piguet store. In case you don't know, Audemar-Piguet is a Swiss luxury brand of fine jewellery and watches, with prices for watches averaging in the $20,000 zone. They are some beautiful watches, not gonna lie. In the same general area, there was a Lamborghini/Aston Martin dealership, and we were behind a Bentley or two in the afternoon traffic. We all know that the people who can afford such things usually get them, and I'm certainly not demonizing brands like these or the people who enjoy them (my birthday is in 10 months). I think it was just jarring for me to see that kind of luxury brand, thriving in a country where, just a few miles away from the store, you'd surely find someone offering a quick window wash so they could feed their families, or a family walking around barefoot, and not by choice. It's quite a contrast.

Paying for things can also be weird at first, because of the differences in currency--sometimes it's a slight shock to hear and see what things cost here. If my dad and I go out to eat, we average about R150 for the two of us. At first glance, I think, "A hundred and fifty bucks?! For two entrees and drinks? WTH?!" But then I remember to do my conversions, only to realize that R120 equals about $25 or so (at least, it did before the global economy imploded). Perhaps the good thing about that sort of thinking is that I'll be more keen to spend as little as possible.

The "nice" thing is that, coming into this country with dollars, I kinda feel like one of the disciples must have felt as Jesus was feeding the 5,000: you start off with a certain amount, change it over, an it multiplies! What fun. You can be sure I'm going to ride that wave for as long as I can.



Listen: "Damn, I Said It First" - Nikka Costa