They Are Not Your Expectations.

In the past few months of being back in school, I've met a lot of people who weren't happy with their course of study. In most cases, this was mostly due to the fact that their parents had chosen degree and career paths for them, rather than letting them decide. One friend wanted to pursue a career in the media, but has been studying medicine for the past four years because her parents won’t fund her studies otherwise. Another was forced into coming to university to study biology instead of following her true passion of fashion design.

On one hand, this is a somewhat understandable phenomenon. Not very long ago in this country, black people were not granted the same access to education that others were. Therefore it would make sense that parents of the current generation of university students want some sort of tangible return on their investment. They want their children to succeed in ways that they could not. They want them to obtain degrees with some sort of “clout,” degrees that guarantee a certain income and lifestyle. They argue (and I agree) that a university education is a privilege, not a right. They know what the job market is like, particularly in a country where the “knowledge economy” (characterized by the shift from industrial and agricultural production, to more “weightless” industries that focus on information: media, communication, creative arts, social sciences, etc.) is still relatively new.

While these are all extremely valid arguments for choosing one career/life path over another, it’s nevertheless saddening to see my peers’ own desires and dreams take a backseat to their parents’ expectations of them. In the case of one friend in this particular situation, I can see how the relationship between her and her parents has degraded almost irreversibly. I wonder if her parents will ever get to know the real girl underneath all of those expectations. I can remember very clearly how horrible it was to be held back by limitations imposed on me by others. The “real me” almost died under all of that pressure.

I’m sure that there are many other factors which, since I’m not a parent (and don’t plan to be), I don’t understand. But my advice to parents would be to let their children be themselves. Teach them to be good decision-makers, and help them to foresee and understand the long-term consequences of their actions. Encourage them to work hard and strive for success in whatever they do. They may, and probably will, disappoint you at some point, but understand that they need to be in control of their own lives, and that they need to live out their own dreams.

Be careful, because if you lose them now (and I’m seeing this happen for that friend right now), you might never get them back.