Back to School - the Semi-Live Blog!

After months and months, and lots of stress and worrying, planning and packing, I'm finally sitting in the terminal, ready to board my plane to Cape Town! EEEEEEEEEEE!

Stay tuned in for regular updates and pictures!

THROW IT OUT!

When my mother passed away, my sister and I were left with the incredibly exciting task of having to figure out to do with all of her/our stuff. Mom had two garage-sized storage units, filled with the contents of a four-bedroom house. When I say filled, I mean filled. The reasoning behind keeping most of those things was that we we wouldn't need all new furniture etc. etc. should we move into a new house. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, so we were left to do as we pleased with all that stuff.

Seeing some of those things was like going back in time--opening up a wardrobe box to find a housedress my mom used to wear while cleaning, or finding a quilt she had knitted (I used to think of it as the Magic Quilt, because I would take a nap on the couch with no blanket, and whenever I woke up, there it was!). Things like that are the things to cherish, and I'm glad we were able to recover them.

HOWEVER.

My mom was also your typical PACKRAT. She would keep EVERYTHING. And by everything, I mean everything.

For example, I've always been a singer. I sing all the time, at home, at school, at church, at parties...anywhere there's a microphone or a stage, I'm on it. So of course I was in my elementary school choir. My (crazy!) music teacher Ms. West and I were good friends.

Anyway, our school, like most others, had concerts every winter and every spring. Band, orchestra, and then choir was last. When I was in fifth grade, Ms. West introduced a new song for our winter concert that involved the one thing most of us were scared of: a SOLO. Now the thing about the music program at my school is that every student had to be involved in music. If you preferred using an instrument, you had the choice of Band or Orchestra, but if you didn't select either one of those, you were in Choir by default. Obviously, then, not everyone in the choir was, well, a singer. So the idea of a solo? Didn't go over so well, and there were no volunteers.

But since I had experience singing with the worship team at church, and was pretty confident I could do a good job, I volunteerd. My first solo! Yay. It went well; I was incredibly nervous, but it was fine. (And not gonna lie, I LOVED the instant popularity I received the next day after the concert--parents, teachers, kids, even janitors were coming up to me and asking, "Were you the boy who sang last night? You were great!" This is how divas are born, people.)

Now, pictures and video of the concert were both taken, and of course my mom ordered both. The pictures even ended up in that year's yearbook, which we have two copies of.

The video, and the pictures, were in my mom's storage unit. Definitely a memory to keep, for both her and I.

But guess what else we found? Fifteen (15!) copies of the video order form.

Now, why on EARTH would anyone keep this?! We have the pictures, we have the yearbooks, and we have the video. WHY DO WE NEED TO KEEP THE VIDEO ORDER FORMS?! There was nothing special about the forms, nothing about me was mentioned on the forms. And this concert took place in 1996. We opened up the storage unit in 2004. WHY KEEP THESE USELESS THINGS FOR 8 YEARS?!

Ugh. And you know, there were many many examples of this throughout the units. My motto for those few weeks it took us to get rid of everything was, "THROW IT OUT!"


Now I'm living with my dad, and let me tell you, I can see why they got married. My dad also keeps EVERYTHING. When I moved in, I had to basically clear out the office so that I could have a bedroom. That involved getting rid of useless computers from 1989 that were just sitting there collecting dust, emptying out the entire closet and getting rid of even more old magazines and miscellaneous papers from work and home (please tell me why you need to keep your work schedule from 1999? From a company from which you've long since retired?!). He has a subscription to Time Magazine, which he never reads, just keeps. So they just sit there and pile up. It took me a week and a half to get rid of everything.


So, I am begging all parents: PLEASE go through your things at least once a year, if not more often. Those things you think you "might have a use for someday"? Re-evaluate. Will you REALLY need it? Will you REALLY use it? I'm all about keeping things that have sentimental value, but even then, use some discernment. I can keep the ticket stub from that Beyoncé concert, but do I really need to keep the ticket order form, or the parking slip, or the wrapper from the Snickers bar I got at the vending machine? NO.

You will save your children a lot of time and stress in the future if you get rid of things you really don't need.

But this doesn't apply solely to parents. I have moved enough times to know that it is NOT worth moving junk. If I'm going get sore feet, lots of stress, and risk pulling a muscle, it had better be worth it. So even you single people, students--whomever--go through your things every 6 months or so decide what and what not to keep. All those things clutter not just your room or desk, but your life. So get organized! And who knows, maybe someone else needs what you're keeping!



Listen: "Turn the Beat Around"- Gloria Estefan

Happy New Year!

Peace, love, and happiness to all o' y'all! May 2009 be YOUR year, and may you "move on up" to bigger and better things in every aspect of your life! To quote one of my favorite songs at the moment: "What are you waiting for--spread your wings and soar!"

Family + Disrespect = [THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE!]

Hopefully you had a happy holiday! I successfully avoided melting and a pleasant time with family...for the most part. Based on the amount of EDUCATION I've had to hand out lately, I'm expecting a teaching certification any day now...goodness.

Anyway, let me get my pressure down and just tell the story.

On the weekend before Christmas, one of my second cousins (let's call her Susan) asked my other second cousin (let's call her Sally) to ask me to house-sit for her for a few days after Christmas. Susan is currently in the process of renovating her mother's house, and she wanted someone to be at her home as "security" while she was away for the weekend (Friday-Sunday). As most of the family was headed up there for the holiday anyway, it wasn't really an inconvenience. I had no real plans post-Christmas, and while there were things to be done at home, nothing was overly urgent. So I agreed.

Now, a little background on her house: it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Well, not really, but it sure feels that way. It's about 2 hours from my dad's house, in the province to the north of us. The area isn't rural, but it might as well be. She lives in a small suburb, which is very quiet and secluded. It would be the perfect place to either raise small children, or retire, since nothing really happens there, and there isn't much to do. At all. The most exciting thing I did during my time there was visit the supermarket. Really.

Then you factor in the heat factor--a flat valley with little shade and direct sunlight for the majority of the day. Not cute. Of course, she doesn't have air conditioning, so you can't even bear to be in the house without every door and window open. And since this country apparently doesn't believe in window or door screens, this of course invites all of the insect kingdom to come inside. And I do mean all. And all over the place too--even inside my luggage. NOT CUTE AT ALL. NO. HEY GIRL NUH-UH.

And then she doesn't have cable. Which in the grand scheme of things, isn't exactly a life-or-death situation, but when you're sitting in someone's house all day with nothing else to do...well, you get it. (Thankfully there was a video rental store next to the supermarket.)

(In fact, the only really redeeming quality about this place was its multiple bathrooms with showers. My dad's house has a bathtub, which to me is a step backwards--I've been showering since age 9. I've had to re-teach myself how to take a bath. Speaking of which, if you want a laugh, just Google "how to take a bath." People are creative!)

Now, after the first day or so, I was thoroughly bored. I've spent the better part of the last four years staying home and doing nothing, and have gotten sick and tired of relaxing, so to be there, unstimulated, was no fun. Even more not-cuteness. I was there with two of my third cousins (I was not kidding about how HUGE this family is), and even with three of us we ran out of entertaining ideas pretty quickly.

Then comes the deal-breaker.

If you'll remember, Susan was only supposed to be gone until Sunday. Now, Susan doesn't have a car, and relies on rides from family/friends, or public transport. So I would have been totally understanding if she hadn't been able to come back until Monday.

I found out, however, that she, in fact was not planning to return until Wednesday.

How did I find this out?

From my third cousin.

Not Susan.

When did I find this out?

AFTER Susan had already left for the weekend.

TIME OUT. STOP. HOLD UP. WAIT.

Number one: the agreement was that she was to return on Sunday, with Monday as an unofficial grace day. You can't just go changing arrangements as you please, particularly when others are involved.

Number two: if it does become necessary to modify the arrangement, be responsible and TELL SOMEBODY. I should not have to hear about your change of plans from anyone else, be it relative, friend, colleague, newspaper reporter, prophet---I should hear it from your mouth first.

I am an adult, and so is Susan, and I expect an adult relationship with her. Which means that she, or any other adult in this situation, should be responsible, respectful, mature, courteous, and straight-forward enough to let inform me of changes to the program. I am not employed as her house-keeper; I am doing her a favor.

Now to be honest (and to keep the pressure down), again, it's not as if there were fires at home waiting to be put out, that I could not attend to due to my absence. There were no other plans I had made.

And it may seem to some of these people that I am still a child. As the youngest of my father's children I suppose it's easy to see me in that light. The last time a lot of these people saw me, I was in diapers. And currently, I don't have too much going on.

But the reality remains that I'm not 2, or 12---I'm 22. If you can trust me to be responsible with your HOME and all its contents, why can't you be mature enough to talk to me, and see if I am still available to manage with new arrangements? Especially since I was the oldest one who was going to be there, and therefore the one responsible for greater welfare of us all.
Even if you have my personal schedule memorized, it is simply rude not to discuss the situation with me.

I mean you just don't DO that! No matter who it is--stranger, customer, friend, colleague, family, St. Peter--you just do not do that Disrespect can't and won't be tolerated.

Well. As an adult, I know that this is not a situation worth getting angry over. My energy is not expendable like that.

The bottom line is that Susan and I will have a discussion about this, and move on. I believe when you're getting to know people, you set up the framework for the way they treat you. Build the foundation incorrectly, and the whole thing will eventually crack and crumble.

What about you: how do you handle being offended by family?

Palm Tree Christmas/Merry Independence!

I often find the holidays interesting. The term "tradition" is a bit lost on me, since from age 10 or so, my holiday experiences have never been consistently the same. It's quite interesting to see where I end up towards the end of each year. A bit gypsy-like, but interesting--and always enjoyable. I never really plan on doing much, and always end up busy and bouncing from one place to another. For someone like myself who loves variety, it's great.

This year is quite different in a few ways, however. For one thing, IT. IS. HOT. It's been either 90 or near 90 for the past week and a half. Which is ok, if you like warm weather. But I am a child of the snow--fall and winter are my favorite seasons. So this business of Halloween feeling more like Memorial Day and Christmas feeling like the Fourth of July (thus, my new holiday greeting of "Merry Independence!")...definitely going to take some getting used to. It's hard to sing songs like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" or "Frosty the Snowman" when you're wearing shorts and flip-flops and trying desperately not to sweat through another good shirt. Even without the other, more formal traditions--huge family dinner, etc.-- I still had one thing: the cold. I suppose I can get used to it sooner or later, but I'm keeping my pictures of snow handy in the meantime.

Then there's the other thing: family! It's the first time in a very long time when I've been almost exclusively with blood relations over the holidays--or just in general, actually. It's nice and a bit weird at the same time. (Sidebar: I have to say I am incredibly grateful for those who have welcomed me into their homes and lives; definitely some of the most precious moments in my life. I thank, love, and miss you all!) I'm so used to basically being adopted into other people's families, that being in my own is...odd. I slip into the role of houseguest/fun family friend/entertainer so easily it's almost second nature (and I miss it!), but finding my "new" role, and where I fit in my own family, is quite different altogether. I don't mean to say that I feel alienated, but every now and then it's hard to feel apart of everything when people share so much history that I don't, or speak in a language I don't understand. But all in all, as time goes by, and places and names become more familiar, I am feeling more at home. And my life-of-the-party trait is always there ready and waiting to be unleashed, so once I feel a bit more comfortable...watch out now!

But yeah. It's hot.

Anyway, whatever you celebrate and where ever you are, hopefully this holiday season finds you happily at peace!!!

Pure, Unadulterated Beauty.

Not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for a killer hairstyle.


If your hair's lookin' good, expect a compliment.



Which is what makes this woman so awesome:

Meet Mrs. Chantal Biya, First Lady of Cameroon.

She. Is. Magnificent.


And look at her giving whoever's sitting next to her the side-eye--it's a look that says "I've done more with a blow dryer than you will EVER accomplish in your whole life!"



Simply amazing.








Happy Monday!


Listen: "One Shot" - Danity Kane

Walking Away

I don't really like getting too personal too often, nor do I like getting overly specific concerning names in situations like this, but I need to get this off of my chest. This going to be a long one, so brace yourself.

***

I transferred to a different high school at the start of my senior year, but thankfully my outgoing and friendly personality helped me make friends quickly and easily. I joined the choir and auditioned for, and got a lead role in, the school musical. Through all of that I made a lot of good, strong friendships, and one of those was with this girl, Nikki. We got along great, everything's beautiful, woo-hoo, senior year!

Fast forward to last summer, when she was home for break, and I was there working. She apparently had to organize a theater production as part of her degree program, so based on our previous experience working together on stage, she wanted me to be involved. During this time I was working with a contractor, installing kitchen cabinets all over NJ, and most of the time I was home by 7 pm each night. Having this in mind, I told Nikki that I would love to be involved, but I wouldn't be able to make any rehearsals or meetings unless they were scheduled after 7 pm, or on weekends.

Here was my first problem: after having told her this, you'd think she'd keep that in mind, right?

Ha ha. She turned around and scheduled weekly rehearsals for Thursday afternoons at 2.

Um, what?! Obviously I was going to--and did--miss quite a few rehearsals. While this was annoying, I decided not to get upset; I could easily learn my lines on my own, and just work on the staging when we did get together. (I should have seen this situation as a sign...)

Now, being the person that I am, I was enthusiastic about this thing--it had been a while since I had been on stage, and it would give me a welcome distraction. I even got some of my friends involved, one of whom became one of the leads, and one of whom, Joe, one of my best friends, became the director of the show.

So then the end of the summer comes, and we all agreed to keep in contact and have a few rehearsals during the school year. Her campus was only an hour away from home, and I had friends heading that way quite often. Everything seemed great.

Now, for the next few months I never heard from her, even though I tried calling and emailing. We had said we'd have rehearsals, so what's up? Let's do it! Of course, life is busy at college and I can understand and identify with how hard it sometimes is to keep in touch with friends from home.

Then some interesting things happened. I heard from my friend Joe, stories about rehearsals going on, rehearsals I knew nothing about. I even saw pictures. It's not like I couldn't have made it: I could have easily hopped on a bus or caught a ride with someone. This of course made me puzzled...why wouldn't I be informed??

She did call me soon after, apologizing for not keeping in touch as she should have, seeing if I was mad at her for said lack of communication, and making sure I still wanted to be involved. No I wasn't mad, and yes I was excited to be a part of it. (I was going to play a black, female, housekeeper--sassiness, feather duster, cornbread, and all--who falls in love with her boss's huband and then gets murdered.)

Then Thanksgiving break rolled around. Nikki finally sent me a quick message saying we should meet up for rehearsal during the break. Sure, fine, no problem.

So I see my friend Joe on the first night of break, we're laughing having a great time etc. The subject of the play comes up, and since it seemed like Joe was hearing more about what was going on, I asked him if he had heard from Nikki regarding the play. He said communication had been spotty, but they had had one rehearsal, and that Nikki had begun looking for other people to fill my role "in case I couldn't do it."

HOLD UP. Looking for other people? Fill my role? What the hell? I JUST got off the phone with her not two weeks prior, telling her how psyched I was to be involved. So why the hell would she be looking for a replacement?!

Of course, he didn't know--after I told him about our phone call, he was as puzzled as I was. Now I was getting upset. Why had I been wasting my time, learning lines, and scouring thrift stores for possible costumes, if she was just going to replace me???

Of course, any attempts to try and reach her were again fruitless. I was beginning to lose patience and respect for her--sad because she was a good friend.

After not hearing anything from her (no contact to me or Joe), I decided to forget about the project, although in the back of my mind I was sourly anticipating that frantic last-minute "I need your help!" phone call from her, and being me, I was preparing myself to help even in THAT situation, should it arise.

But by February, after neither I nor Joe had heard anything, I decided enough was enough: I threw out my script without a second thought.

May rolled around, and by this time I was preparing to move: packing, getting things in order, spending as much time with friends as possible. My awesome friend Tim planned a party for me, and decided to invite her, I suppose as a gesture--he knew about all this, but also realized the magnitude of my moving away. So he sent her an invitation, to which she readily agreed to attend. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, my love," she said.

The party was at Tim's house, which is literally two streets away from Nikki's. You can just see her house from Tim's deck.

And what do you think happened?

The girl never showed up.

No apology, no explanation, no form of goodbye/I'll miss you/etc. She just didn't show up. No follow up phone call. Nothing.

This left me disappointed, and a bit hurt--weren't we once good friends? What happened? Surely it wasn't my fault?

So last night I sent her a message, saying "What ever happened to you??? We're doing a show together, and then I never hear from you again? And then I was hoping to see you before I moved thousands of miles away...what happened? Hope life is treating you well." I kinda wanted some closure, ya know?

So this is what she sent back (a small miracle in itself!): "Hey. I am seriously working nonstop. I have 6 jobs. Life is treating me the way life does. :)"

Um, what?

At this point, my patience and sympathy is really running thin. I'm sorry, but it really is. Six jobs--ouch. But honestly, is that REALLY all I get??? I had been this girl's friend since 04, someone she could --and often did--rely on, whehter as a shoulder to cry on or somebody to laugh with. I did whatever I could to help her when asked. I was happy to help her with the show, and even got others involved. I brought a lot of character (pardon the pun) and positive, creative ideas to the show. And then, I was getting ready to move 10,000 miles away. Wouldn't the simple act of wishing me well as I moved on, been the nice thing to do? Nobody asked her to stay for the entire party--an appearance would have been fine. If not that, at least a phone call or message offering some sort of explanation of her change in plans. In her message, there's no hint of wondering how I am--not that I need that, but it'd be nice!--and in my opinion it was really rather cold. It's basically saying, hi, I'm too busy to care about you anymore.

Ugh. After the way this whole thing has unfolded, I'm not really interested in being buddy-buddy with her again. I mean, it's kind of hard--and rather pointless--to build a bridge if there's nothing and no one waiting for you on the other side. It's unfortunate, but I'm not losing any sleep over it. I know that high school friendships, though they may have been great, tend to fizzle out if there are no new shared experiences. After a while your friendship just becomes based on memories--not enough to sustain. But the way this went...I feel like there are some negative undercurrents directed towards me.

I guess I just wanted some sort of confirmation that I didn't do anything wrong, or that there was nothing additional I could have/should have done. Am I crazy? Is there something about me that suddenly makes me repulsive? I don't get it.

What do you think? Would telling her any of this be a waste of time? Should I even be caring? Why the heck am I so sensitive about this stuff?!

If anything, this just serves as yet another example of how NOT to treat people...

Listen: "Waiting for Time" - Sam Sparro