The CocoNOT.

For many years, I’ve been annoyed with being accused of trying to be white. People say I’m black on the outside, but white on the inside. In South Africa, I’d be called a coconut.

What do people mean when they say this?

They mean that I am “rejecting” my own black culture, and choosing instead to fashion myself after my white counterparts. According to these people, I do this by speaking and dressing “like a white person,” by listening to “white” music, by keeping company with more white people than I do with black people, and by doing activities that they consider to be “white.”

I see all of this as a huge, self-imposed stereotype. By accusing me of rejecting black culture, people are defining what it means to be black and what it means to be white. According to them, black people dress, act, and speak a certain way. They see any deviation from this program as a “hatred of all things black.”

But who made this delineation? Who decides what things are “black”? What is black culture? Is it cornbread, chicken and waffles, watermelon? Is it hip-hop and booty shaking? Is it speaking slang? Is it 22-inch rims on my Cadillac? Is it Phat Farm clothing, super long t-shirts, and Timberland boots? Where is it written that I, as a black man, must conform to this image? Am I any less black because I prefer to shop at Express Men rather than New York Urban? Less black because I prefer sushi over grits? In a South African context, am I less black because I don’t speak my “native” language? Because I don’t eat tripe or chicken feet? Because I’m not a huge fan of house music? Because I’m wary and critical of the ANC?

If asked, I would probably say that, yes, I am somewhat different than other young black people. But I don’t think those differences highlight any desire of mine to avoid being identified as black. I think those differences arise from differences in upbringing, over which I had no control. I also think those differences have a space to exist in me because I’m not afraid of being myself. And I think those differences make life interesting. All these varying life experiences give us opportunities to learn from each other.

Additionally, there’s an undercurrent in these accusations—people think that I believe myself to be “better than” or “above” other black people. My question is, if all people are created equal, no matter what their race, what’s wrong with me just being me? I don’t think that I am better than anyone else, or that others are above nor beneath me.

Personally, I’d rather not let people’s expectations of me based on my race or background dictate who I should be. I’d rather not be defined according to a stereotype.

I’d rather write my own dictionary.

They Are Not Your Expectations.

In the past few months of being back in school, I've met a lot of people who weren't happy with their course of study. In most cases, this was mostly due to the fact that their parents had chosen degree and career paths for them, rather than letting them decide. One friend wanted to pursue a career in the media, but has been studying medicine for the past four years because her parents won’t fund her studies otherwise. Another was forced into coming to university to study biology instead of following her true passion of fashion design.

On one hand, this is a somewhat understandable phenomenon. Not very long ago in this country, black people were not granted the same access to education that others were. Therefore it would make sense that parents of the current generation of university students want some sort of tangible return on their investment. They want their children to succeed in ways that they could not. They want them to obtain degrees with some sort of “clout,” degrees that guarantee a certain income and lifestyle. They argue (and I agree) that a university education is a privilege, not a right. They know what the job market is like, particularly in a country where the “knowledge economy” (characterized by the shift from industrial and agricultural production, to more “weightless” industries that focus on information: media, communication, creative arts, social sciences, etc.) is still relatively new.

While these are all extremely valid arguments for choosing one career/life path over another, it’s nevertheless saddening to see my peers’ own desires and dreams take a backseat to their parents’ expectations of them. In the case of one friend in this particular situation, I can see how the relationship between her and her parents has degraded almost irreversibly. I wonder if her parents will ever get to know the real girl underneath all of those expectations. I can remember very clearly how horrible it was to be held back by limitations imposed on me by others. The “real me” almost died under all of that pressure.

I’m sure that there are many other factors which, since I’m not a parent (and don’t plan to be), I don’t understand. But my advice to parents would be to let their children be themselves. Teach them to be good decision-makers, and help them to foresee and understand the long-term consequences of their actions. Encourage them to work hard and strive for success in whatever they do. They may, and probably will, disappoint you at some point, but understand that they need to be in control of their own lives, and that they need to live out their own dreams.

Be careful, because if you lose them now (and I’m seeing this happen for that friend right now), you might never get them back.

Updates!

What a crazy four months this has been!


I love being back at school. I love being busy again, and I love waking up in the morning to face a day filled with things to do.


And those things have kept me BUSY! Some days I would leave the house at 8 am and not return until 11 pm. Needless to say, I also love my Sunday-morning periods of laziness. But it’s been worth all of that running around (especially when I look in the mirror to find that more than 20 pounds have disappeared!).


First of all, classes have been going very well. Initially I was worried that it’d be a bit difficult to get back into the swing of things academically after such long hiatus, but it’s been a very easy transition. I’m able to connect the concepts discussed in different courses with my actual life experience, almost on a daily basis. I’m thrilled to be able to fulfil another minor dream of mine and learn French (how’s this for globalization: I’m basically an American, studying a European language at an African university, with a professor who is Brazilian). Also, I’ve noticed how learning French is a mini-tradition in my family: mom studied it in college, and my sister did in high school.


Since my undergraduate degree program takes only three years to complete, I’m considering either an Honours degree, or a Master’s. Two different people in the last two weeks have told me that they saw a doctorate in my future, so perhaps there’s that in my future as well…


On the extracurricular side, things are just as interesting. I’m now a front page journalist (visit UCT’s Varsity Newspaper)! Working on the paper has sharpened my journalistic talents, and has helped me to improve my interview techniques. I covered a speech given in April, and that was a great exercise in filtering out the rhetoric and getting to the “meat” of what was being said.


On the radio, we’ve hired a new station manager, who is dedicated to taking the station to new heights. He’s given me a semi-promotion, so that in addition to doing general news, I’ll also have a daily business news report! During this vacation I’ll be busy researching for that.


I’ve also joined the sub-committee of the Cape Town Globalist, which is the student-run current/global affairs magazine (similar to TIME Magazine), as a contributor and sub-editor. This is a great chance to get more experience writing and editing.


Our choir had two beautiful concerts this semester, as well as a two-day workshop, and if I can brag for a minute, we performed beautifully! I can already see improvements in my own singing, which is always nice. We’re going on a charity benefit tour in September, which I’m helping to plan, and for which we are all excited.


And, next year I will be an Orientation Leader! This is something I knew I wanted to do the minute my own orientation started, and I’m definitely looking forward to welcoming all the freshmen next year. It’ll be a great leadership and teamwork experience. And it doesn’t hurt that it means I get to spend more time in Cape Town…and it REALLY doesn’t hurt that it’s a paid position.


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So school is going very well, but what about life in general? Well, this week marks one full year of my living in South Africa. WOW. It has gone by so quickly. So, a few observations after a year of living here:


-Compared to other African (and other) countries, I’m very fortunate to be in South Africa. While the country does have it’s problems, it’s one of the, if not the largest, economies in sub-Saharan Africa, and there are many things we have here that people in other countries can only dream about. I’m privileged to be attending a world-class university, with a parent who is gainfully employed. We have access to good health care. The country’s constitution grants us many freedoms that others in the world do not have. The nation serves as an example to surrounding nations.


-I’ve managed to teach myself to stop speaking Spanish so often. Learning it in high school, and interacting with Spanish-speaking people in the US as often as I did, I was unaware of just how integrated Spanish was into my vocabulary. It’s funny when I order quesadillas here because I have to mispronounce the word for people to understand me.


-The winter holidays absolutely do not compare to those in the States. I don’t just miss the snow and the winter cold, I miss the festivity! There’s no real holiday spirit here that I’ve noticed—people seem more excited to have time off from work. Instead of Christmas carols, all I heard around Christmas was more house music. Depressing.


-I HATE IMMIGRATION.


-Customer service here, in some aspects, isn’t that great. This relates to the immigration issue a bit, but I’ve found in one or two cases that I’ve almost had to beg people to do their jobs. And the bigger problem I see is that people here are used to it, and therefore don’t challenge it.


-Speaking of challenging things, I’ve definitely become more assertive. I certainly like the realization as I get older that I don’t have to take crap. I’m more in touch with myself than ever before, and it’s easier for me to voice opinions that I might have otherwise internalized. I know what I want and am driven to do what it takes to succeed.


-No matter where I am, and no matter what flavour of mess is going on in my life, I continue to be blessed with great friends, for whom I am eternally grateful.


Of course, not everything is perfect. There's family drama, as always. I could always use more money haha. I miss my family and friends in the US like you wouldn’t believe (and that means YOU!).


But honestly, I’m a lot better off.



Listen: "I Choose" -- India.Arie

The Degradation of Manners.

I was sitting at lunch with some friends a few weeks ago, when one of them got up to get a drink. While she was gone, somebody came over and just took her chair. He didn't stop and ask if anyone was sitting there, or if we were using it, he just took it.
--

I was on the radio last weekend doing my news reads, and during one of my breaks, a DJ-in-training, whom I had only met just moments before, saw my phone sitting in front of me, and asked to see it. No problem...until she started looking through all of my photos and even read an email or two.
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Everyday, I have to fight my way off the elevator, off the bus, and out of the lecture halls, because people force themselves inside, whether there is room or not.
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People push and shove their way through/past, without even a hint of an "excuse me."
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I was entering a members-only area of campus the other day, and had just swiped my access card, when someone just swooped in, past me, through the now-open door, and closed it.
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Perfect, or near-perfect, strangers sometimes come up to me and ask the most personal questions, fully expecting me to answer them.
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Students ask rude questions about a person's salary during a career talk, and persist even amidst numerous rebukes.
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What is happening? Am I the only one who notices these things? Please don't tell me I'm the only one bothered by these things.

Some of the above examples are just a small portion of what I see on a daily basis, not only happening to me, but to others as well.

Some of them really don't make sense--I mean, really, there won't be any room for you to get into the elevator/bus/lecture hall if I don't first leave to CREATE the room!

And then others are just plain rude. I understand wanting to check out an acquaintance's phone's features etc., but what happened to asking for permission to browse through one's personal photos? What gives people (and I don't mean friends, I mean the odd person you might happen to see on a semi-regular basis in a class, at the bank, on the bus, etc.) the impression that they can just ask any old random question they want about you, with no regards to boundaries or personal decency? Questions about your romantic life, your salary/bank account, your family business...

What about common sense and decency (which, like Mom said, isn't as "common" as you'd hope)?

Are manners things we're taught, and then only practice at home? Why do we leave them there?

What's happened to respect???

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Listen: "Push and Pull" - Nikka Costa

On My Grind.

You will just have to forgive me in the coming months. This being busy thing is no joke, and unfortch, the number of updates here may diminish a bit, although I will work hard to make sure that does not happen.

In addition to taking English, Media and Society, Sociology, and French, all of which meet every day, I am writing for the school newspaper, writing for the student-run global current events magazine, doing the news for the radio station, and singing in the choir. I'm going to try to fit in a part time job in there somewhere, somehow (but don't be fooled; I still take donations! haha). Add cooking dinner, finding time to clean the apartment, grocery shopping, and numerous other errands/meetings/discussion groups, setting up my empire (people will KNOW MY NAME en masse by the end of this year), finding time to relax...I need a secretary.

Real pictures soon, hopefully! Still working on getting the camera fixed. Much love!


Listen: "Work It Out" - Beyoncé

Back to School, Part 2: The Not-So-Live Blog.

Ok, ok, I admit it: while the idea of a live blog was great, the execution was a complete and total FAIL. Not a failure, but a FAIL. (In case you don't know what a FAIL is, visit the FAILBlog and you'll get a pretty good idea.)

Anyway, the reason for the FAIL is that it takes a few days to get connected to the Internet from my residence, especially during Orientation, or O-Week, while everything is being set up. Trying to blog on my phone is fine for a quick post, but that's about it.

That being said, what I said in the last post is 100000000000000000% true. This. Place. Is. Gorgeous. I feel like an idiot half the time because I'm standing around just gawking at everything. Standing on the main campus is amazing. If you look one way, you get a beautiful view of the surrounding Southern Suburbs of Cape Town. If you look the other way, you get this majestic view of Table Mountain (with its own "tablecloth" of cloud cover) and Devil's Peak, the mountain whose slopes the University inhabits. And if you lower your head a bit, you get to take in the beauty of these wonderfully classic buildings covered in ivy. It's amazing.

Now, let's talk a bit about the school itself. It is ranked among the top 200 tertiary institutions in the world, easily the best in both South Africa and Africa as a whole. Seven different faculties exist, educating some 20,000+ under- and postgraduate students. Students come from all across South Africa, Africa, and the world. The University is spread out over three main campuses, and four satellite campuses, including the Groote Schuur Medical Campus, which encapsulates the Groote Schuur Hospital, the oldest teaching hospital in South Africa, and the site of the world's first heart transplant surgery. The school has produced 5 Nobel Laureates; its students have historically been on the forefront of social and political civil rights movements, and has produced the first South African entrant into outer space. The MBA program was recently rated among the Best Value for Money, worldwide. The city is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, and is in my opinion the most cosmopolitan of South African cities.

Yep, that's MY school! Am I bragging? Yes! There are some people out there (DAN!) who still think that Africa is full of cannibals and people riding elephants and sacrifices to the Sun-god. So I'm just doing my part to EDUCATE!

I'm doing a Bachelor of Arts in Film and Media Production, which under normal circumstances is a three-year degree, but I'm most likely going to do the Honors/Masters program and extend it to four years. The Department is strong and offers a few different production specialties, of which I am considering Radio, Print, and Web. It's quite competitive--you apply to get into your chosen specialty in the middle of your second year. But that means I have 18 months to develop my skills now, working on the school newspaper, the Cape Town Globalist (international affairs magazine affiliated with Yale and Cambridge Universities, among others), UCT Radio, and various other internships, student societies, and part-time media-related jobs within Cape Town. And with my experience at Ithaca, I'm confident in my abilities and I'm ready to achieve! I'm thrilled!

(Sidebar: a group project I worked on at Ithaca, discussing improvements for a popular soda company's advertising, is STILL featured on a professor's page, almost three years AFTER I left the school! Check it out, I wrote the first few pages)

Part of me can't help comparing UCT to Ithaca, though, and in fact there are definitely differences from your average American college experience. For one thing, since the legal drinking age is 18, people go out to clubs etc. socially pretty often. I'm not saying they drink more than American students, but it's a different experience to an American college, where people are limited to having dorm parties during their freshman year. Taking into account safety concerns that are involved in going out, I think that ultimately people learn responsibility when it comes to things like drinking a bit sooner than they might in the US.

Based on South Africa's size, you wouldn't think that the student population here would be terribly diverse, but in fact it feels like a mini UN! A lot of people think South Africa is just black and white, but there are also large Indian and Chinese populations. Then you get the really interesting combinations, like a friend who's originally South African, but grew up in Hong Kong, or another who's originally Croatian, but grew up in South Africa, or another who is originally South African and Irish, who has lived in the US, the Philippines, and Dubai. Then you get the international students, who really are international, like an Indian friend from Kenya. Add the study-abroad students and you've got just about every country represented here. And of course, EVERY single one of them can pick out my accent.

(Sidebar: I went to high school in PA with one girl who's doing a semester abroad here. And her mom was my homeroom teacher. I thought I was hallucinating the first few times I saw her, but it was definitely her! And it really is a small world!)

My apartment is perfect--it's part of the University's housing system, so it's a lot cheaper than getting an apartment of my own. Plus, that means that the free University bus system also comes directly here and brings me to and from campus, which is about a 20 minute walk uphill. I share a bathroom--with a shower! Hallelujah--and a kitchen--with more storage than the kitchen at my dad's place!--with two roommates. There's a pool and a computer lab, and of course, the magnificent view of the mountain! Goodness. It's right next to a few supermarkets and transport to the major malls. I'd say the only bad thing about my residence is that it's actually second-tier housing, meaning it generally houses second and third year students, and thus isn't necessarily ideal for the whole freshman/making friends/communal activities scenario. So I often find myself heading to a friend's res and joining in the fun there. But those other buildings are not far at all, and I'd rather have this room than do the dorm thing again. Trust and believe.

So far, we've been doing various Orientation programmes (I have to get used to spelling UK-style!) and student outings etc. That translates to mostly boring stuff throughout the day, then having fun and making friends at night. Next week I have a radio interview, a choir audition, a few parties to go to, and I've even been invited to spend a Sunday on a friend's yacht! Gotta love college life!

I'll leave you with some pictures!









































































Listen: "Girl, They Won't Believe It" - Joss Stone

SHUT UP.

I've just landed and this place is gorgeous.

More to follow.