...And My Soul Has Got to Move!
So begins the transition. The nest is crackling, not by any fault of its own, but rather I have outgrown it. No longer can I rest within its warm and familiar enclosures. It's time to move.
If everything had worked out perfectly (ha!) and I had been graduating college on time, this would be my last year; Graduation Day would be imminent and I would finally be free to move on to bigger and better things. You know, get my own place, a good job, and start building my life. While my life has deviated from what I thought it should/would be, it is time to free myself, to force myself to move on. I'm not a child any longer, I am a man, an adult. An intelligent, independent, self-sufficient adult who is capable of doing whatever he chooses. As such, I need to let myself be that adult. I need to stop living in fear of the future, to stop living in fear of change. These fears are justifiable, of course; I'm currently in the process of preparing to leave everything I've ever known: home, country, history, economy, government, culture, friends that become family. But no longer will these fears paralyze me, no longer will they keep me stagnant. I can't stay in this situation and expect to grow or become anything substantial. It's not beneficial to me to sit around and do nothing, and it's certainly not beneficial to anyone else.
Where this will take me, I'm not quite sure. I know the first step is returning to South Africa, where I can gain even the most basic things that are unavailable to me here. A car, for one. A legitimate, stable job. A home of my own. Not shared (unless I choose to), but mine. In short, a life. Perhaps I'll work for a while, then start school again. I'm not quite sure yet. But this will give me an opportunity to 1) connect with my family, and in turn connect with myself; 2) truly experience self-sufficiency in full, an environment in which I absolutely thrive; and 3) open myself to the entire world. Going to South Africa does not mean staying there forever. Here, I am limited to these four borders; upon leaving, the whole world is mine. And there are so many places I'd love to go--Australia, Japan, Spain, the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Jamaica and the Caribbean--so much for me to explore and discover. No longer can I limit myself to what I see those around me doing.
It's almost like an itch, really. I feel that I can only go so far in Easton, as if there is some sort of glass ceiling, and I can see beyond it to where I should truly be. It's an itch that's growing increasingly difficult to assuage. An itch that says, Go! Go! Go!
Not to say I haven't enjoyed my time here. It's a part of me, and it's part of what made me who I am. The lessons learned and the experiences had are irreplaceable. The people will always be a part of my heart and my being. It's time now to apply all those experiences and lessons and, well, fly. It may be a journey I'll have to fly alone, but I believe i'm ready for it.
Graduation Day is here.
Listen: Beyonce - World Wide Woman
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